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Jonny
06 July 2009 @ 12:53 pm
Fourth of July is the only holiday where everyone becomes a hick. Seriously. What other time of year do you see people runnin' around, drunk of their asses listenin' to awful country music and not givin' a damn where their kids are?

I don't mind some of that country, my-girl-left-me-and-now-its-just-me-and-my-dog-and-my-pickup-truck shit. Some of its ok; some of it is so shit-kicker it makes me wanna murder people.

(Speaking of which, Boss? That guy? All set. The lasagna and hookers thing worked out pretty well... and it was kinky as fuck).

Anyways, I ended up spendin' a nice weekend with Bennie. I don't think we got to see any fireworks, but thats alright -- we made our own. Heh heh. Ours were better, I'd say.

I'm still kinda hungover but thats what Gatordade tylenol are for, right?

 
 
Jonny
30 June 2009 @ 02:13 pm
So pretty much, my existence is a waste.

I don't think the Boss has given me a job in God knows how long, I'm bored, I've just been drinkin' beer and eatin' cheetos. My pants barely fit, too. I'm gettin' fuckin' over here in my boredom. Boss, why'd ya ask me to come out here and work for ya if you ain't gonna give me any work?! Seriously! You need someone to pull hits? I can do that, since Floyd has been sucked into the realm of high-speed web porn.

I'm about ready to stand on the corner with a sandwich board sign that says "Hench for Hire," even to just walk around since my ass is so big it doesn't fit into my jeans. What is that shit, huh? I'm thirty years old for Christ's sake, I should be in prime condition! I'm getting a gym membership, for real.
 
 
Jonny
11 June 2009 @ 08:55 pm
So the kid's first fight is this weekend. Me and some of the other henches have a pool going; they got money on the other guy, Amygdala or whatever the fuck his name is. This is probably going to seem like a shock, but I bet on the kid. I was there that first day when he totaled the inside of the Boss's warehouse, blew out all the windows. It was crazy! I ain't never seen anythin' like that before. This other guy, I don't think he's got much of a chance.

Specially if the kid gets pissed off. I'm not sure, but is this fight to the death? Because if that is the case, that guy is gonna be so much ashes to be swept up at the end of the night.
 
 
Jonny
26 May 2009 @ 10:13 pm
Boss, I don't know what's been goin' on, but any time you wanna give me a job or somethin' to do, I'm game. Maybe loan me out to your Greek friend?

So there's this sex thing floatin' around and I figured hey, this could be fun. Heh.


1. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
One. She knows who she is.

2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
Eh, any time is good, really.

3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Smack in the middle.

4. Do you masturbate?
Hell yes!


5. How often?
All the damn time.

6. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
Heh, that was Shelly's job.


7. Do you prefer showers or baths?
A man should take a shower.


8. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath?
I tried to get Shelly to all the time, but she wasn't havin' it. Spoil sport.


9. Do you watch/read pornography?
Aw hell yeah! I love that shit.


10. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
A little bit of both is cool; keeps things interestin'.


11. Do you love someone on your friends list?
Love is for suckers.


12. Do you know all the people on your friends list?
Mostly.


13. Would you choose love or money?
Gotta pay those bills, man.


14. Your top three favorite kinks in bed?
I'm a simple kinda guy, you know? I don't need much.

School girl outfits are cool, though. Or naughty librarian. Fuckin' hot.


15. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?
That's usually my job.


16. Where is the most romantic place you have had sex?
Shelly made me take her to this dump, "Cuddles-n-Bubbles" for our anniversary one year. Fuckin', heart-shaped jacuzzi and shit. Though, I wouldn't go so far as to say that was "romantic." Expensive, though.


17. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
Hmm... probably the truck-bed of my buddy's car while he was cruisin' down the highway. He didn't know we were back there; made for one hell of a ride, though!


18. Have you ever been caught having sex?
All the damn time!


19. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Hell yeah, pickin' Shelly's fat ass up from work.


20. Ever been to a bar just to get sex?
When I was a younger man, sure. That sorta shit can get you into trouble.


21. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club for sexual reasons?
Yup.

22. Ever been picked up in a bar?
Nope.


23. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
Aw hell no! I ain't into that queer shit.


24. What's your sexuality?
Straight as an arrow, man.


25. Had sex in a movie theater?
Not straight up spearin'; I went down on a girl in a movie theater though.


26. Had sex in a bathroom?
Yup.


27. Have you ever had sex at work?
I worked at a convenience store when I was in high school, and I'd put the "Back in 20min" sign up in the door so me and my girl could go at it without "interruptions."


28. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
Yup.


29. Bought something from an adult store?
Pornos.


30. Do you own any sex toys?
Nope. God gave me two hands for a reason.


31. If yes, how many and what are they?
See above.


32. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?
Half the cheerleadin' team of the rivals of my highschool.

'Sup, ladies.


33. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
Such a rookie mistake, but yes. That was bad.


34. Have you ever had phone sex?
Nah.


35. Have you ever had cyber sex?
That's kinda weird, so no.


36. Do you think oral sex constitutes as a form of intercourse?
Depends on the situation, I think. I ain't really a big fan of givin' oral anyways.


37. What's your favorite sexual position?
Anythin' is cool, really; it's especially good when the girl is flexible. That gymnastic shit comes in mighty handy.


38. What's your favorite sex act?
Straight up spearin'.


39. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?
There was this one time... I don't actually remember. There was alotta drugs involved. Coulda been anything.


40. Who do you think has the guts to repost this?
I figure I'm the only one who hasn't.
 
 
Jonny
16 May 2009 @ 10:09 pm
Lazy  
I figured I'd wait til the next fad before I jumped on the bandwagon for the first one; I changed the look of this thing. It was easier than I thought it'd be, considering how computer illiterate I am.

I'm diggin' the bright green, though! It's almost Day-Glo; its just a sqosh off.
 
 
 
Jonny
14 May 2009 @ 10:38 pm
Been sort of hectic, people movin' in and out and runnin' around. But hey, that's fine.

Oh, and I'm diggin' the music you kids are sharing! I'd do a list of my own, but I suck at the internet and I doubt my list would be under a hundred songs. It's all the classic 80s stuff anyways.

I'm lovin' all the newest ladies that are comin' around here. What's up, girls?
 
 
Jonny
05 May 2009 @ 11:47 pm
So, ah, Calliope... when you movin' out again? I'm thinking I wanna move into your room.


Mine is like the size of a broom closet, ya know? I need room to stretch my legs.
 
 
Jonny
30 April 2009 @ 10:21 pm
Somethin' is goin' on around here. Lots'a whisperin' and phone calls and things like that. Someone is being sneaky... and lemme tell ya, this is not the place you wanna try and be sneaky in. Don't kid a kidder, don't bullshit a bullshittter. I know what I'm seein' when I see someone trying to sneak around.

I'm gonna find out what you're doin', don't you worry. You ain't gonna pull a fast one here.


Toots.
 
 
Jonny
26 April 2009 @ 02:16 am
I'd like to know what the fuck is goin' on around here! I get sent out to look for the damned maid cause she decided to just toddle off. So I'm driving all over the damned place, the market, the drugstore, everywhere, trying to find her.

I figure hey, she got on a bus or some shit and went to another part of the city, so I cruise down to San Pedro, though I don't know why she'd be down there. I'm near the port and I see all this hubbub. Then I see this fire... and Goddamn is it huge! It's like somethin' outta the movies! All bright and black smoke! The firemen barely had it under control... and I mean barely. That thing decided it was hungry for more than just the building it was in, a lot of people woulda been screwed.

Some of the roads were blocked off so I had to turn around. At that point, I didn't care where Calliope was, I just came home.

Man, that fire was something! I wonder what was in that building? Hah, probably the illegals running arms or somethin' under the radar; they're good at that shit.
 
 
Jonny
22 April 2009 @ 09:24 pm
I caught some sorta weird food poisoning from this little Chinese food place. Ugh, that's the worst! Got stuff comin' outta both ends, you don't know whether to sit on the shitter or lean over it; I'm exhausted but I feel like I've done 564786537464387 crunches.

I don't know what I ate from that shit that did it either, so I'm gonna say it was the whole kit and kaboodle and never eat from there again. I was kinda shitfaced when I went so I don't remember the name of it, but yeah. Don't get Chinese food downtown, bad things could happen to you.

It's been quiet around the warehouse, thankfully. I guess the kid swung by for a visit? I was passed out so I missed it. No snot out of my nose; I don't much mind he's gone. Although, Calliope has been moping about since he left. He isn't even that far away! Just go visit him! It isn't like it was difficult for him to come here, sheesh.

You'd think they were a thing or somethin', blech.